A Few Good Memes

I received an email from Carin, reader here at AFGM and contributor to Missy’s fund.  She’s asked me to point you to Save Holly’s Hearing.  Holly is a fellow parent who is blind from brain tumors and is struggling with the loss of her hearing.  She’s looking for financial help to get a brain stem implant so she can still hear her baby’s voice as she raises him.  Go. Read. Help.

Christine, Alyssa, Ian and I were in the UU Christmas Pageant today at church. Chris was such a sport, agreeing to be in front of the whole church after having only attended about a half dozen times or so. We took my kids to the rehearsal yesterday (they had been recruited several weeks ago) and when the director lamented that she hadn’t filled the parts of Mary and Joseph, well, we had to fulfill our civic, moral, and religious duties. Yep, we were Mary and Joseph. Rumor has it the baby wasn’t mine. She and I need to talk about that.

(Oh, yeah, I shaved my goatee off a few weeks ago too. Whee!)

Happy Holidays, all.

 

 UU Christmas Pageant 2007: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

Update 2: Missy has found a good lawyer. Someone who has experience with domestic violence cases. She’s very happy with him. He’s going to fight hard for her. Retainer: $3500. She has someone who has made up the difference so she’ll have the whole retainer. If you haven’t sent anything but still want to, you should. She’s still has no access to any money and could use all the help she can get.

Update: I am aware of $605 that has been sent to St. Anne’s thus far. Thanks to everyone who is helping. Missy is doing pretty well, for being in the eye of a hurricane. She’s meeting with a new lawyer this week and will hopefully have proceedings underway soon.

Some people have expressed concern that $1700 is a lot to pay for a lawyer for a divorce. I know nothing of divorces and lawyers, so I only hope she gets a bulldog that gets her far more than half. She deserves it.

Missy has created a new blog that tells her story about the cycle of abuse in her family. It’s been an unbelievably difficult journey for her and she’s endured a tragic amount of abuse. Please go read it. She’s making a lot of the right choices and is running into a lot of roadblocks. There are also more updates at MadPriest’s blog.

She’s going to need some financial help as her husband completely controls the finances, so I’m officially passing the virtual hat now. The lawyer she’s used in the past would not take her case, but she’s looking for a new one. The previous lawyer required about $1700 for a retainer. If you are able and willing to help, you can send money to

Judy Henley
St. Anne Church
825 S. Ortonville Rd
Ortonville, MI 48462

Checks should be made payable to St. Anne’s Care & Share Fund with Missy McKerroll’s name in the memo field, and/or a cover letter expressing that is what the donation is for. Doing it this way actually allows you to take a deduction on your taxes too.

Please email me at jase@dufair.org and I’ll keep track of donation amounts in order to ensure she gets at least that amount. I’ll post a running total here.

My good friend (and angel here on earth) Missy has been struggling for a long time under the thumb of an abusive, alcoholic husband. She’s getting herself and her 5 kids to safety today, going to a shelter. I’m so proud of her for taking this difficult and courageous step. More info at MadPriest’s blog. Pray for her. Think of her. There may end up being a hat passed too. PLEASE don’t post to her blog about this right now.

flotsam of metamorphasis

Originally uploaded by sweet | salty.

The caption on this photo by Sweet Salty Kate broke my heart. I want to love like Justin and be loved like Kate. Those two are love rockstars. And there’s nothing sweeter or sexier than a good sense of humor.

Kate’s Liam is at peace now.

The chatter in my corner of the blogging world is the blogging blahs. Everyone outside and nothing to write. Perhaps. Except Kate is holding on to her new babies for dear life. Thor is holding on to hope as hard as she can. I’m overflowing with passion, unable to write about it, and (almost) nowhere to direct it.

One of my favorite stories concerns a Buddhist scholar and a Zen Master. The scholar had an extensive background in Buddhist Studies and was an expert on the Nirvana Sutra. He came to study with the master and after making the customary bows, asked her to teach him Zen. Then, he began to talk about his extensive doctrinal background and rambled on and on about the many sutras he had studied.

The master listened patiently and then began to make tea. When it was ready, she poured the tea into the scholar’s cup until it began to overflow and run all over the floor. The scholar saw what was happening and shouted, “Stop, stop! The cup is full; you can’t get anymore in.”

The master stopped pouring and said: “You are like this cup; you are full of ideas about Buddha’s Way. You come and ask for teaching, but your cup is full; I can’t put anything in. Before I can teach you, you’ll have to empty your cup.”¹

This is where I am right now. Patience is not one of my strong suits at all. But I’m learning that you can’t over-fertilize and over-water your garden or you’ll kill the seedlings that are just trying their damndest to poke their heads out of the soil. I sang “The Garden Song” with my kids and my good friends Michael and Denise yesterday at church (along with having played an African guy catching frogs in a puppet show, doing my best Nelson Mandela accent). The song was a great meditation on patience. “Inch by inch, row by row, gonna make this garden grow.”

Also, please go check out The Aftermath of Unicorns and Rainbows. Sam left a comment here a bit ago and I went to check out who she is. She’s a high schooler who lost half her family in the 9/11 attacks. She’s living with her aunt and her siblings in a pretty tough situation. I ended up reading her entire blog. I’m at the point where I’m reluctant to add anyone else to my blogroll since I’m not keeping up on the ones already there very well, but this was a slam dunk to add. Her writing is frank, heartfelt, vulnerable, and full of the hope of a teenager. It’s stunning, really.

This week I’m going to try and be mindful of keeping my cup empty.

¹I’d heard this story some time back, but would like to thank The Nebraska Zen Center for publishing it so I could find it and excerpt it here.

I’ve seldom been at a loss for words when I fire up my blog posting tool. But here I sit not sure how to say it, so I guess I’ll come right out and say it. I’m going on a date tomorrow night (3/22)! How do I feel about that, you ask? Mostly very excited. And nervous. She contacted me via a “wink” on match.com. I was in Arizona and saw the email, figured it was yet another of what I’ve discovered to be “dating spam”. Turns out she’s a very cute and very complex and interesting woman. She’s a teacher, just finishing college and about to start her student teaching. She has two daughters (one Alyssa’s age and one older) and is very dedicated to parenting. She seems to have a definite creative side too - writing, sketching. Of course, teaching is a creative endeavor in and of itself. She seems to be a pretty big music fan. That’s a big plus for me. Note the Mary J. Blige links off to the right - she’s a Mary J. fan and I’m quickly becoming one.

So we’ve been emailing and IM-ing and the conversation has flowed very naturally. We have some similarities in our backgrounds and it seems quite a bit of similarity in our outlooks and parenting styles, as much as I can tell thus far. Oh, and did I mention she’s cute? She lives an hour away in Indianapolis, so that’s perhaps a downside (especially with both of our commitments to work, kids etc.), but for now, it’s ok. I was relieved to heard my friend Bine did a 45 minute away relationship successfully for years.

I’m reluctant to post a link to her profile for privacy’s sake, but perhaps if/when we get to know one another (and she realizes I’m one of those bloggers) maybe I will. I don’t know if she’s discovered my blog yet (if so, Hi!). I’m kinda hoping she hasn’t since I’d rather not short-circuit the joy of discovering one another.

I feel a bit like a high schooler. Giddy, really. I haven’t been on a date since Def Leppard’s drummer had both of his arms. It’s just so nice to have someone to talk to and relate to. Not that I have a shortage of good friends and family IRL and here online. But the idea of romance is beginning to sound pretty attractive to me. Some part of my brain worries that it’s only been 8 months since Anna died and that somehow I’m going to end up feeling bad or guilty or something, but I’m just trusting myself and it feels right. And really, I started grieving over two years ago. I know there are still going to be hard times ahead in terms of grief, but that doesn’t preclude enjoying springtime with a sweet woman. I’m not in any rush to get deep into a relationship. Just looking forward to the daily banter of life with someone and maybe moving forward slowly.

Our date is going to be dinner tomorrow night. Wish me luck!