I had my eye on her profile for some time this summer. We were going to get together earlier in the summer, but she ended up having to cancel at the last minute and I wasn’t in the right place, emotionally, to reschedule with her. She re-contacted me when we were in South Carolina in July and I decided to go for it.
Our first date was at a local Italian restaurant - we’re both pretty outdoors-oriented and they have great outdoor seating. The weather was perfect and after the initial nerves wore off, we found ourselves really enjoying one another. Lots of comfortable conversation. Get-to-know-you chit-chat. She works in a garden center about about 30 minutes away (in the same town she lives in) and is very much a naturalist. Knows a ton about plants, flowers, flora, fauna, etc. She has a 15 year old son who is a soccer star - lives, breathes, sleeps soccer. He lives with his dad. She also has a 14 year old son who lives with her. He has fragile X syndrome. I’ve gotten to meet him once now and he’s a very sweet boy. She went to Earlham College, a liberal arts college here in Indiana. Got her degree in education. She’s smart, funny, super cute, and very interesting. When dinner was over, we couldn’t call it quits. We walked down by the river, got rained on, went to the Irish pub for a bit, walked around some more. The nice thing about a first date is that there’s no pressure, just companionship. She gave me a killer hug goodbye and we said goodnight.
For our second date, she suggested we go combing the countryside for milkweed so we could find some monarch caterpillars to take home and show my kids as they metamorphose into butterflies. How romantic is that? Sure beats the heck out of dinner and a movie. We did find a few caterpillars, but they were too small. (She brought me three of them a week or so later, though, that she found while at a garage sale). We did have dinner and then ended up on the walking bridge over the river, me playing guitar, us reading poetry, just enjoying a wonderful evening (complete with a visit from a lady pushing her cat in a stroller). Lots of sweet kisses later, and the bell tolled for me to get back to my babysitter.
She’s very earthy; she doesn’t wear makeup - she’s naturally beautiful. Her style is so cool. The way she dresses and the way she decorates her house and the music she likes and the food she likes are all so sympatico with me. To steal a term from my good friend Jessica (who she stole from her friend Tom), she’s a member of my tribe. We just really enjoy one another’s company. It’s easy.
So we’re moving forward, trying to find as much time together as possible. I kinda freaked about 10 days into things, my own insecurities and such rearing their ugly heads, but she hung out, gave me some space and I realized she’s a great woman, kind and generous, and I should give things a try. Glad I did. She’s turning out to exceed my expectations regularly with her heart and her creativity. I’m looking forward to developing a strong relationship with her.
I’m also making up for a pretty big sleep deficit, kicking my own ass to go to bed by 10pm or so, and trying to learn to meditate so I can reduce my stress and anxiety from raising my three kids and getting behinder and behinder. All three kids are in three new schools (Alyssa in middle school, Ian in Kindergarten, and Emma at Montessori); it’s hopping at the Dufair household. Also, work has been fairly busy. So if you don’t see me here or commenting on your blog, I apologize. I’ve done a lot of grief work here and I don’t expect to do a lot more of that as I move into a new phase in my life. So I’m not sure what I’ll write, but I suspect more will come and when it does, I’ll post. I do have a new poem I need to get up. Soon.
sweetsalty kate
| 05-Sep-07 at 12:55 pm | Permalink
Member of your tribe… I love that. Ahh, those new and exploratory first few days and weeks. Have fun.
CharmingDriver
| 05-Sep-07 at 8:51 pm | Permalink
Seriously the best and sweetest news I’ve seen around the blogosphere in a while.
Enjoy!!
Eden
| 05-Sep-07 at 9:40 pm | Permalink
Good to see you blogging again. I was thinking about you the other day. She is lovely. I love her eyebrows and eyes. Best part: mutual smiles. Totally digging that shirt too.
bine
| 06-Sep-07 at 1:29 am | Permalink
aaaah … the official announcement finally!
super cute indeed … and you two look very happy.
i’m so glad to read that things are working out positively.
(and that shirt looks like bear chest hair all over you
- you old hippie, you!)
Che
| 06-Sep-07 at 9:54 am | Permalink
A beautiful butterfly ….
Congrats, bro.
thordora
| 06-Sep-07 at 4:22 pm | Permalink
awwwww. Cuteness. Enjoy.
karrie
| 09-Sep-07 at 3:57 pm | Permalink
She sounds awesome.
And you already kind of look alike….lol…something in the eyes/your expressions.
Kate
| 09-Sep-07 at 7:48 pm | Permalink
Good for you. Good for her.
Missy
| 10-Sep-07 at 8:18 am | Permalink
I have been SOoooo out of the loop lately. Congratulations to both of you. Beautiful photo–you do sort of look alike, heh, heh.
Mardé
| 10-Sep-07 at 4:13 pm | Permalink
Great news, Jase. Congratulations.
kat
| 13-Sep-07 at 12:05 am | Permalink
Yeah!!!! I am so happy for you. And she has found a good one also!
Sam
| 13-Sep-07 at 11:24 pm | Permalink
i am jealous
radical mama
| 16-Sep-07 at 6:37 pm | Permalink
That’s fantastic news. I am so glad for you all.
Missyb64
| 01-Oct-07 at 8:33 pm | Permalink
Jason,
You are absolutely correct, in your case it is a tri-section. I feel so grateful that unlike you and AT, I didn’t have to go through that unspeakable loss with children. Your strength to do that is amazing and it looks like you are starting to find the daylight on the other side. I still blog a bit about my late husband, 3 yr. anniversary of his passing is this week. I can reassure you and AT that it does get easier… but it never goes away. I just consider myself doubly blessed to have been loved so completely, not once but twice in my life. And for my Bob, I have to say that I am in awe of his ability to share even a part of my heart with someone else. He is very zen about it… he has told me many times that if he had it in his power to bring EB back he would do so. However, as we celebrate our two year anniversary as a couple, I am nearing the point where I wouldn’t want to go back. The person I am today is not the same person who lost her husband suddenly and tragically in 2004, not in any shape or form. I think EB would like who I have become, but I am very different from the woman he called wife. I think the changes are good, the readjustment of values and life-strengths is the best part! Bob also said something to me one time about how random life is. It was our first vacation together, we went to Disney (not the smartest choice, EB and I lived in Orlando for five years) and we stayed at the Beach Club (our favorite there). I was sitting by the pool that last morning before we left for the airport, just sobbing, and Bob took my hand and said “I know that your pain is still unimaginable. I can’t imagine living through what you have borne with so much grace and humor. But, whenever you think of all this, please also think about how random life really is and how many people were actually affected by EB’s dying. I know Oct. 7, 2004 was undoubtedly the worst day of yours and your family’s lives. Everything changed for all of you, in an instant. Now think about me. I got up that morning, showered, breakfasted, and went to my ex’s house to pick my daughter up for school. I dropped her off just like I always did and then went on to work myself. As I went about my normal day, I had no idea that somewhere 700 miles away a total stranger had passed away and his passing had just changed my entire family’s lives also.” And that thought, really, was something that I had never considered.
Please come back and read more whenever you like. I am adding you to my blogroll. Amazing that you too read Kate/Sweet & Salty, she writes pure magic. I cried over her loss of Liam, and her writing of it was so eloquent. I found her through another blogger here in Knoxville and am likewise so glad you found me. Good luck and best wishes with your new relationship!