A Few Good Memes

(edited: forgot to actually link to the first post about the tree)

In this post, I wrote about the tree that grows by Anna’s grave. I got a likeness of that tree tattooed on my leg today. I’ve always wanted a tattoo as far back as I can remember as an adult. I just never had an image that I felt so strongly about that I wanted it on my skin for the rest of my life. I woke up 5 weeks ago today and as I became conscious, the idea of this tree on my body was already committed to my skin. It was just a matter of finding the right artist at that point. I told my dad it was divine intervention and he (the devout Catholic) totally cracked up.

I’m so incredibly thrilled with it. There are still about 2 hours of shading work to do, but I wanted to post pics so far. I had it done by Mike Prickett at The Tattooed Heart in Lafayette, Indiana. I can not say enough about how professional and talented the guy is. The shop was clean and well-maintained. The atmosphere was friendly. Mike did the design and the ink. Did it hurt? Yeah. Like hell. Especially on the top of my foot. The pain was exquisite at times. I felt like passing out. But it was totally worth it. I can’t wait to go back (3 weeks) to get it finished. I just want to sit and look at my leg all night.

Last week, coming home from Girl Scout Camp:
Alyssa: I can’t wait until Ian and Emma are out of the house. They annoy me.
Me: Sweetie, you’ll be off to college long before they are out of the house.
Alyssa: I’m going to stay and live with you in college, dad.
(Wouldn’t that be great? Even at 9, I’m already worried about my kids being gone. Perhaps that’ll change after a few teenage years)
Me: That’s fine, but I’ll be in Tibet, chanting with the buddhist monks once you and your siblings are done with high school.
Alyssa: No problem. I’ll stay home and take care of the house
Me: Don’t you want to come to Tibet with me?
Alyssa: No. I’m not up for all that “Om Mane Padme”

9 more days and your last voicemail will expire
  tipping into the virtual void
  "just wanted to say hi"
  "kids, don't torture the cat!"
  I've listened to it a hundred times
My replacement phone arrived last week, the third broken screen
  not containing the cryptc txt msgs - a quick connection
  not containing the picture of a broken arm
  not containing your ringtone, a perky jangle
My wallpaper, back to whimsical moons and sea creatures
Screen saver, blank screen (still have all of the photos)
The festive boop of a buddy pounce when you sign in
  (the one that would cause me to drop everything) - quiet
I've been driving in silence lately, too
Maybe it will be days between the grinding stomach of your name in my inbox
Maybe the chats over IM will be shorter
The music will return
So much shared, mediated by bytes and wires
We had to come here

Apologies to The Fray…

Verse 1:
Step one your brother buys a Vette
He always wanted to buy a new Corvette
You press the clutch, the throaty roar
You let it out and off you go
You reach the stoplight, signal right
You grip the wheel and gun it right
The tail kicks out, you point and aim
Four hundred horses are why you came

Chorus:
And now we hit the on-ramp, thirty five
Then hit the gun, point nine one gs
And I could have stayed up at the red line
In sixth gear, saving a mid-life

(Given the fact that it’s 12:27am, I’ll leave the rest of the verses as an exercise for the reader)

Kate’s Liam is at peace now.

Spent the last half hour decluttering my room. I have had the urge to redo my room in a Japanese motif - earth tones, rice paper shutters, etc. Found this, given to me by a good friend who lost her husband last year. They were deeply in love for 20+ years. This theme has rattled around my soul for 10 months. I am thankful to have come across it so lucidly put today:

At least, my dear
You did not have to live to see me die.

It is only that there are moments when for the sake of a little quiet in the
brawling mind I must search out,
Recorded in my favour,
One princely gift.
The most I ever did for you was to outlive you.
But that is much

-Edna St. Vincent Millay

Driving yesterday. Someone ahead of me is having a hard time staying in their lane.
Me (under my breath): “What the fuck…”
Ian: “What the fuck…”
(damn, he wasn’t supposed to hear that, especially from the back seat)
Me: Ian, you shouldn’t say “fuck”. It’s not a word for kids.
Ian: What does it mean, dad?
Me: It’s kind of like shit, Ian.
Ian: Ok, how about “What the ug…”
Me: That works.

This one emerged yesterday afternoon.
Projecting like the local multiplex…
(I prefer to think of it as daydreaming)
Empty vessel for now.

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If I am ever to touch you,
I may cry a hundred
  million tears-unshed,
welled up just behind my
eyes

They aren't tears of loss
Those have been let out for now
There's much more to lose
  and more tears to cry
But not right
now

They're tears of joy
I've been saving them up,
  a few each day
Since the moment I was
born

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