A Few Good Memes

Or at least the mass of a toddler - As of today, I’m down 50 pounds from my peak weight of 290 pounds sometime in late 2005 or early 2006. This is a milestone I’ve been looking forward to for a long time. Anna and I both gained about 40 pounds when she was pregnant with Alyssa in 1997. She got it back off right away - I’m finally losing it now plus the extra 30 or so I added in the ensuing years.

I’ve always been healthy and active and so I never really worried too much about my weight. My weight was normal to slightly low in high school and I kept it to pretty much the freshman 15 in college. I realized after Anna died that regardless of whether I was active and healthy, the risk of shortened lifespan due to overweight was real and I could not afford to risk my kids being orphans due to my own choices.

Summer, Fall, early Winter of last year were spent just grieving hard and figuring out how to be a single parent. New Year’s hit and I decided it was time to finally take my weight problem seriously for pretty much the first time. I had done Atkins at one point a few years ago and Weight Watchers with some friends before Anna died. Neither of the programs really passed my (sometimes too strict) BS filter, so I never really bought in. It was MLK day 2007 before I was able to sit down and really make the commitment to make a change. I started, thanks to Kat’s suggestion, tracking my intake and weight via SparkPeople. It was a good site and easy to use. I managed to take off a bit using that method.

In March, we went to Tucson over spring break to visit Anna’s mom and sis. Sis had a book called “You, On a Diet“, written by 2 doctors. I had read their “You, the Owner’s Manual” last year after Anna and I saw the docs on Oprah during a chemo session. It was an entertaining and educational look at how your body works and how you can optimize your general health. I started reading “You, On a Diet” in Tucson and devoured it, finishing it in a day. It’s a bit silly and over the top with it’s pop culture references and such. But it was the first time that I read about hunger and metabolism in a way that made sense to me and that I could easily remember. It totally passed my BS filter. The book is all about hacking your hunger/satiety systems. Letting your body do what spent millions of years evolving to do. I started eating the way they suggested, primarily sticking to lean protein, fruits, vegetables, nuts, and whole grains. Eat the same thing for breakfast and lunch every day. Get plenty of exercise (I was pretty much already doing that). I felt good eating that way. Really good. No more late night cravings for something sweet or starchy. I think 3 or 4 pounds came off that week. And it’s stayed heading in that direction ever since. It just feels good to eat that way, so I want to keep doing so.

I’ve been able to re-wire my brain via sheer force of will twice in my life. Once was giving up smoking. I smoked for 7 years and couldn’t get myself to quit. I finally made an agreement with my good friend Josh (now Jessica) when I was 21 to quit if he’d start wearing his seat belt in the car. My mom was a paramedic when I was young and seat belts were the first verse of the first chapter of the Gospel of Jennifer. I had a hard time quitting for myself, but when I knew Josh’s life was literally in immediate danger, I quit cold turkey. As it turns out, Josh got into a bad wreck a few years later and his seatbelt saved his life, according to the police officer. (Years later, I started having one cigarette here or there, but I never felt inclined to start it up as a habit again. Since Anna got lung cancer I will never, of course, touch a cigarette again in my life. In fact, it also inspired my brother to quit after more than 20 years. I’m welling up with tears thinking about how proud I am of him for this.)

The second time I was able to re-wire my brain was when I taught myself the Dvorak keyboard layout. I re-taught myself to touch type 8 or 10 years ago with this layout. It’s more efficient and better for preventing RSI problems. It seems like a small thing, but it’s loomed large in my consciousness since then as proof that brains are really malleable and with the right commitment and timing, you can re-wire some circuits in your brain that would otherwise appear to be pretty hard-wired.

This new way of looking at food feels like that. I always lamented that quitting smoking was easier than losing weight because you don’t need cigarettes to live, but ya gotta eat. I now realize that logic is somewhat faulty. Ya gotta eat, but you don’t ever need refined flour nor sugar and other sweeteners. They are to food what nicotine is to tobacco. So I’m kicking the habit and losing a toddler in the process. With 60 more pounds to go, I’ll let you know when I lose a teenager.

” I’m done with all the things that bring me down
Patch me up and roll me over”
-Umphrey’s McGee, “The Weight Around“