I’ve hardly gotten any response on match.com at all. A few on Yahoo! personals, but none that amounted to anything. Well, after a few chats, I did have one woman that told me she was in love with me. Yikes! So, we’ll see. When the time is right and the planets are aligned, perhaps the right person will come. Like Joseph Campbell says, “Follow your bliss and doors previously unknown will open to you” (or something similar)

You are going to meet someone fabulous!

I do have one suggestion: by selecting “no way” and “probably not” wrt kids, you might be screening out moms who really do not want more, and you may be attracting ‘childfree’ types who blanch when they read that you have children. I would probably open that category up more, and clarify in your profile that you do not likely want *more* kids.

When I was on Match, I was pretty sure I never wanted kids and had it set to “kids are for other people”–or something like that. Then I decided to expand my options, and well, now I have a husband and a child. LOL!

I suppose there’s some truth to what you say. I would say, however, that I am pretty comfortable with myself the way I am. The weight is simply a health issue - I want to be around for my kids for a long time. The act together is just getting my ADD under control so I can have more fresh air in my head. I’ve made pretty good progress on both fronts, and I’m happy about that just from a health and sanity perspective.

But, good points. I think we all sabotage ourselves a bit and it’s good advice to be careful not to do that.

That smacks of self-incrimination. How about, “I have to get comfortable with myself the way I am.”

(smile)

I’m glad to hear you’ve “seen it many times.” I have no direct experience with successful stepparenting relationships involving young kids. I figure the Cinderella myth exists for a reason. But if/when I do it, I’ll try to do it right and do many of the things you describe above. I guess my having lost Anna will be a sort of “filter”. Someone who is insecure wouldn’t do well with a widower (who is otherwise secure himself).

Thanks for stopping by and for the thoughts.

it’s good to read you’re starting to feel there might be someone else some time in the future. be aware that whoever you will be dating within the next couple of years will have a really hard time next to your memories of anna. it’s not that she will have to compete with her (depending on how self-confident she is, she might feel she has to, though), it’s more that anna’s presence in your and your children’s live will never leave, you won’t start to avoid her name or little stories about her coming up in conversation, and that’s good that way. but for someone new and maybe a little insecure about the situation this will be a huge thing to deal with. i very much wish for you to find someone who is willing to go through that. i went through almost a year of constantly feeling compared to my lovers last partner (of 17 years) until i finally felt secure enough not to bristle about it a little every time. i know he still thinks fondly of her four years later and i think he always will, i don’t mind at all. but in the first couple of months i often didn’t feel sure if i could live next to this ghost.
another thing (maybe a little more encouraging) is: don’t worry about yourself not being ready for someone to be a step-parent to your children. this takes loads of time. your children won’t want a stepmother in the first place, they will be suspicious of anyone wanting to take their moms place. this is important, you can’t convince them of someone just “being their new mom”. but if you get to meet someone who you enjoy being with, who makes you a “happy dad” they will start to feel comfortable with her. only then you will be able to think about sharing parenting with her. it’s all very possible, i’ve seen it many times.
i can’t contribute anything to that net-dating topic. i have no experience with it and i can’t imagine meeting someone that way, but obviously that’s possible, too.
i hope someone looks your way, you seem to be a guy that’s worth a good try and some effort, too.

But I get what you mean.