Comments on: Dear Anna http://jase.dufair.org/2006/12/10/dear-anna/ Jason Dufair's weblog Sat, 22 Nov 2008 06:54:25 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.6.2 By: thordora http://jase.dufair.org/2006/12/10/dear-anna/#comment-1007 thordora Wed, 13 Dec 2006 13:36:11 +0000 http://jase.dufair.org/2006/12/10/dear-anna/#comment-1007 Part of all of us died when my mother did-you may notice that in your kids-there's "something" that just isn't there anymore. Maybe you can help that not disappear. I just remember feeling such a split, but then, my mother was pretty sick for a few years, so we knew what was coming. My childhood was fairly idylic, so it's likely I'm projecting onto my pt. Lately, I've seen my father again, watching him with his granddaughters. It's such a gift. And I've been able to talk about my mother while talking to him about you, explaining to him how I now understand in some small way what he went through. That's a gift as well. Part of all of us died when my mother did-you may notice that in your kids-there’s “something” that just isn’t there anymore. Maybe you can help that not disappear. I just remember feeling such a split, but then, my mother was pretty sick for a few years, so we knew what was coming. My childhood was fairly idylic, so it’s likely I’m projecting onto my pt.

Lately, I’ve seen my father again, watching him with his granddaughters. It’s such a gift. And I’ve been able to talk about my mother while talking to him about you, explaining to him how I now understand in some small way what he went through.

That’s a gift as well.

]]> By: jase http://jase.dufair.org/2006/12/10/dear-anna/#comment-974 jase Wed, 13 Dec 2006 03:06:15 +0000 http://jase.dufair.org/2006/12/10/dear-anna/#comment-974 thordora: What do you mean the father that was? Before your mom died? Did he somehow fundamentally change when your mom died? Just wondering. Thanks for the kind words. I just need to take my health (weight) more seriously so I can continue to be strong for them. Venessa: I'm really glad you picked the right man. From my own experience, I hope your if-something speech also includes "do we have enough life insurance". Or maybe I already said this in a comment on your blog. I'm a broken record, I suppose. But it has saved my ass in a huge way. At least in that it's allowed me to keep the same standard of living and have enough time for the kids. And thanks for the kind words. thordora: What do you mean the father that was? Before your mom died? Did he somehow fundamentally change when your mom died? Just wondering.

Thanks for the kind words. I just need to take my health (weight) more seriously so I can continue to be strong for them.

Venessa: I’m really glad you picked the right man. From my own experience, I hope your if-something speech also includes “do we have enough life insurance”. Or maybe I already said this in a comment on your blog. I’m a broken record, I suppose. But it has saved my ass in a huge way. At least in that it’s allowed me to keep the same standard of living and have enough time for the kids. And thanks for the kind words.

]]> By: Venessa http://jase.dufair.org/2006/12/10/dear-anna/#comment-955 Venessa Mon, 11 Dec 2006 21:34:32 +0000 http://jase.dufair.org/2006/12/10/dear-anna/#comment-955 A couple times a year John and I have the if-something-ever-happens-to-me-here's-what-I-want-you-to-do talk. We hope to never use it. I often wonder what kind of dad he would be without me because he is so insecure in his parenting skills, even though he really is a great dad and he loves his girls to no end. I always tell him that I chose to have children with him and no one else because I am confident that he would be able to raise them without me. I really admire how put together you seem to be. Dentist appointments? Amazing. Your kids are lucky to have you, you must know that. A couple times a year John and I have the if-something-ever-happens-to-me-here’s-what-I-want-you-to-do talk. We hope to never use it. I often wonder what kind of dad he would be without me because he is so insecure in his parenting skills, even though he really is a great dad and he loves his girls to no end. I always tell him that I chose to have children with him and no one else because I am confident that he would be able to raise them without me. I really admire how put together you seem to be. Dentist appointments? Amazing. Your kids are lucky to have you, you must know that.

]]> By: thordora http://jase.dufair.org/2006/12/10/dear-anna/#comment-951 thordora Mon, 11 Dec 2006 20:56:44 +0000 http://jase.dufair.org/2006/12/10/dear-anna/#comment-951 Gods, you make me miss the father that was-the father before, the one who never had to worry about all those little things. I remember him sitting and just staring, talking about all those tiny things my mother just did every single day. And how much he loved my mother, and how it's just so not fair. I haven't cried those gut wracking sobs in so long, and it feels good to finally cry out the last of my anger and pain. My father brought me one of my mother's scarf's, and even 17 years later, I still held it against my face like a talisman, searching desperately for her scent, for her. 17 years is just as long and short as any other moment. That part never changes. You're doing so much better than my father did, I can tell you that much. You're so much stronger than he was. Gods, you make me miss the father that was-the father before, the one who never had to worry about all those little things. I remember him sitting and just staring, talking about all those tiny things my mother just did every single day. And how much he loved my mother, and how it’s just so not fair.

I haven’t cried those gut wracking sobs in so long, and it feels good to finally cry out the last of my anger and pain. My father brought me one of my mother’s scarf’s, and even 17 years later, I still held it against my face like a talisman, searching desperately for her scent, for her. 17 years is just as long and short as any other moment. That part never changes.

You’re doing so much better than my father did, I can tell you that much. You’re so much stronger than he was.

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